Absent Dads:

Absent dads affects children's lives, influences stability, and well being

Q & A related to student's education, life, home, and community where fathers are absent.

Absent Dads May be Uninvolved Fathers

QUESTION : "My husband is not absent, he's just not involved in the lives of our children. He leaves all children related issues to me. I'm a school teacher and he is a business executive at a national corporation. I realize he is busy, but it seems he could take some time with the children. What can I do to get him involved with the children or is there a greater problem that I'm missing?

ANSWER : Warning. It may not be about the children. The unpublished portions of your letter is revealing, but we choice to concentrate on the section related to children.

We have to agree with you. No father is so busy that he can not spent some time with his children. Although he is head of a major corporation, his children are much more important than business although it is a national company. If your children were an international business offering to purchase billions of dollars of product, your husband would cancel appointments, adjust his schedule, meet often, and do whatever he could to secure a contract or engage that service. Your children are more important than a corporation regardless of its financial status or importance.

We don't know the restraints or pressures your husband operates under, nevertheless he should not trade involvement with his children for business. Businessmen adjust schedules daily,certainly time can be made for children and family.

Since your husband was involved with your children when they were younger, but absented himself as they approached their teens, there may be a discussion that the two of you need to have about children that may involve other issues. However, even if there is a problem that one of you are unaware of, both of you should be fully aware of the needs of your children.

Mothers do an excellent job in rearing children, however, father cannot justify their non involvement in children lives for any sane reason. Fathers who are present ,but uninvolved in the lives of their children are indeed an absent dad. Absent does not always mean physically removed. Fathers who are in the home but not involved in a child's life are perhaps more absent that a father who has physically removed himself from the family. This is particularly true for male children. Boys need to be involved with a male figure, and boys need both parents as much as girls.

Its welcoming that your husband provides gifts for his children; however, this is the worst type of parenting or father involvement. Being an executive may mean financial stability, but that in reality is useless if the child needs a father. Too many executive make the same horrible mistake,they think a gift is a cure for non involvement. Gifts and presents are not substitutes for father involvement. The child needs the father's love and involvement. He does not need a pretty gift, no matter what the cost. If an executive father valued his involvement with his children as much as he is involved with his business and clients, "present dad" would not be absent dad.

If one of your children is male, father involvement is extremely important. An executive father should put away the stock report or financial earnings and talk to his son. Find out what he is doing and how his day went. Go visit his school, or watch an activity he is involved in. Take him out to lunch in the middle of the week. Find some time to just talk. You would do this with a client. Your children are more than clients, they are your offspring. Nurture them.

Boys adjust in most situations, but statistics indicate they thrive and are more secure where a caring father is involved. There are a few reasons males benefit from involved father relationships 1. Being involved with a father gives esteem to males and provides a role model. 2. Having a father son relationship creates a trust, and loving bond. He will feel he can always talk to his father about life's situation. 3.Involved fathers are not only fathers but spiritual influences and guidance counselors. Some research shows boys stayed away from crime, drugs, and trouble because there was an involved father in their life. 4. In time of trouble, every male child longs for the refuge of an involved loving father. Involved fathers help children weather the storms of life until they can recover and sail on their own again.

One neglected child is too much, two or more neglected children are too many.